Thursday, May 03, 2007

Kiera Knightley

- I'd do her daily too. She is my screen crush. First there was Drew Barrymore from E.T. then the pink power ranger and I didn't really move on from there until Ione Sky , but I wasn't faithful to her because I also had a screen crush on Molly Ringwald (think breakfast club , 1985), I finally got closure on seeing her b[][]bs in 1995. Ally Sheedy also scratched an itch - also in breakfast club incidentally. Time moved on and I had a brief thing for Téa Leoni, Catriona Rowntree and Winona before finding Angelina Jolie in hackers in 1995 because, well, she's got enormous lips. I only had to wait until Foxfire (1996) for closure there. But you simply can't have a screen crush on somebody über famous because you have to share them with too many people so sooner or later I moved on and in 1999 discovered both Natalie Portman and Keira Knightley who both played the same character, but I thought Sabé (Kiera) was the hotter, and thus my most recent and longevitive screen crush was born. Two years later when she got it all off in The Hole I just about had an aneurysm. I had lust for her like splinters under my fingernails. Her androgynous beanpole tomboyish cuteness in Bend It Like Beckham (2002) had me breathing very very slowly to the point I considering taking up professional stalking for a living. Next time you watch "Pirates" look for the slightly crooked teeth in the conversations on the deck -mmmm perfectly imperfect. But now it looks like it's over. She just doesn't want me any more. I'm sorry Kiera, was it something I said, please don't leave me like this, we had such a good thing. But you know, perhaps it's all for the better, you see I've met somebody else now.

7 comments:

Leesha said...

That was wonderful, you just had me giggling into my hot chocolate!

Sean said...

Ah Steve, I have to agree on Keira. Perfectly imperfect is spot on. It will be sad to see her go, no matter how good she looks from behind..

. said...

I can't say i'm with you on the Kiera Knightley fetish. I do agree with the old Drew Barrymore, Molly Ringwald, Tea Leoni, and Jolie ("i just want to lick her lips and stick her to the window"). The pink power ranger is in the Kiera pile for me...

But on a more heterosexual note: my screen crush is Woody Harrelson.

http://www.vh1.com/sitewide/flipbooks/img/movies/people/h/harrelson_woody/1644686_10.jpg

unique_stephen said...

perhaps we can t tea up for a threesome?, fivesome if we ask david ducovney, her husband and bring our spouses.

William said...

Why on earth are you missing Kirsten Dunst?? Surely you are blind.

unique_stephen said...

perhaps I could get to know Kirsten on the side. I'll watch a bit more spider man and let you know how it develops.

Dave said...

You're pathetic. Actually dating chics is way more satisfying than fantasizing about celebrities. Get some game and get a girl. Unless you were being sarcastic and it was just so dry that I didn't pick up on it, in which case good show.