Monday, July 27, 2009

Aberrations Abbreviations:

What is normal play for you?
I'd be thinking that:

CG / RCG / DS / Mish / Spooning
DATY / DATO / Teabag
light BDS&M, toys
occasionally GS

are all the more or less normal behaviors in an established couple

Would you add anything?

Thursday, July 23, 2009

The older I get the better I was

Last night I caught up with an old climbing buddy and good friend - Ashwin. Funnily enough we went climbing. I first met him circa 1990 in the climbing club at uni. Bach then he was a pretentious young cocksure wog studying law with grand designs as to what he was going to do with his life. He's now a jet setting $10K a day legal consultant with a veritable model wife, can climb some of the hardest climbs in the world and has an increadible sharp mind and wit, matched only by his cojones ferreas.

His climbing got so good I could never keep up and he was on-sighting 28 (French 7c, US 5.12C) where as I was a much more mediocre 23, 24 (6C, 5.11 b-c) on a good day. We spent many a winters day climbing through the Blue Mountains, and around Nowra. We holidayed together - climbing in Thailand and trained twice a week in the climbing gyms.

Last night was no different - he climbed many of the harder climbs in the gym, I managed a dozen of the harder intermediate routes, and had a good perve at my hairdresser - spunky little 19 year old. Caught up with Guy and james, also from the early 90's climbing era, and took ourselves off to a fab Malay restaurant in Lane Cove for dinner.

The reminiscent conversations about what Ash and I got up to in Thailand are probably better left to another post.

Monday, July 20, 2009

Stuffed Stuff

Manufactures that build crap stff shit me.
Too often something that needs to be glued and screwed is simply glued, screwed when it needs to be bolted, bolted when it needs to be welded whit reinforced flanges. When a trailer axle should be reinforced 50mm box sectioned 5mm steel bar why does the manufacturer think a bit of gal fence pipe will do.
Caribee build crap camping chairs that fall apart dangerously.
Don't buy Caribee kingmaker folding chairs.

Crap Caribee camping chair
I just had to fix two of them the weekend. They have had a very normal life and have not been mistreated. Used sparingly for the last 3 years they both fell apart identically over the weekend when we set them up for the adults at our 3 year olds birthday party.
The folding pipe work is attached to the feet by way of a simple screw - like that's ever going to hold.
I drilled out the plastic a bit and used a bolt and nyloc nut and finished it off with the angle angel ankle grinder. Which is how Caribee should have built them in the first place. I wish people would have enough pried to engineer something so that it was fit for its purpose. A folding camping chair that fails could just mean you have to sit on the esky, or it could end up with a severed femoral artery as a result of an impaled leg.

The workbench: P7190087

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Stripping 101

Or what I remember of it, from so long ago.

Ok. Back in the heady days of uni I worked casually as a stripper. Some time in the middle of the first year I bumped into a girl I knew from first grade at an orgy. Back then she was my first crush and I think the first girl I kissed - Fiona. I recognised her instantly and was more than pleased to find that my auburn head beauty had grown into a ripe, buxom triathlete. It turns out she was working for her X, an older fellow who ran a small ‘entertainment’ company that did parties and a few other similar gigs. It started with a job as a minder, make suer she didn't get into trouble at the various gigs mostly bucks, and birthday parties. I pressed the button on the cassette and helped out with some of the more interactive parts. picked up her costume as she shed it and other stuff. Painted happy birthday messages on her butt in mirror writing (so when she sat on the birthday boy it would print on his chest or etc). They were always after ‘talent’, the money was fantastic the tips could be in the hundreds and and I was egged on to do it. What the hell - you only live once so I gave it a go.

The first night was excruciatingly nervous. I’d practiced with Fi for a few hrs that day and gone with one of the other guys to watch him preform and pick up some tips. Fi was coming to help out that first time but later I wold also work alone.

It was an 18th, the birthday girl had no idea.

We arrive - a nice house in Warrawee at the top of a long dark drive on a stinking hot summer night. Nock on the door - to delighted squeals, and step inside. I had on an army type uniform, black leather boots big belt, black beret and a truncheon. God I was full of myself but the girls liked it and it was their dollar. Ask some questions: all the way, not all the way, touch the girl explicitly, not touch etc. Her friends wanted ‘everything’. The girls father was there and we had a brief chat - he was all - she’s 18, she can do what she likes.

We moved out the back onto the porch, most of the party was on part of the tennis court and Fi started the music and I kind of started moving through the crowd, 20 or so, mostly girls, pretending to look for the birthday girl, lingering a hand on a butt here or a tummy their and getting very felt up myself. Spinning on my heals I grabbed birthday girls hand and motioned for her to come hither and slowly dragged her out to the front.

Fiona - also dressed in the faux army gear “arrested” me and charged me with not having a sufficient erection and instructed the party girl to search me all over. Much to the delight of her friends she slowly started feeling bits of me and Fiona instructed her to remove my shirt, hat (out cam the long hair) and finally feeling down my pants. As I was deemed to still not have a sufficient erection Fiona martialed some of the girls to come up and see what they cold do to rectify the situation. At one point she leaned in close and whispered to me “wana see some high school tit?” and started trying to ‘seduce’ me and flashed me then got some of the girls to do the same. Alcohol and the vibe had several of the girls suddenly rubbing themselves up and down and flashing me here and there. Fiona then got the girls to start chanting ‘get it out - get it out’ and got the party girl to get down on her hands and knees and undo my fly and fish me out of my pants. Squeals etc.

I was then released and feigned embarrassment and held my berate over myself. Fiona then blindfolded the birthday girl whilst she was still on her knees. I stood close to her and flashed her a few times then squirted a dob of canned whipped cream on the end of my cock and Fi pulled the blind down over her eyes. I then instructed her to come forward, she shuffled forward on her knees and I stepped back. Fi slipper the blind up so she could see me right in front of her face and motioned for her to open her moth and move her tong around. Squeals from the crowd. Blind pushed back down. Shuffles forward. We then quickly grabbed a random girl from the crowd with pants on I bend down and undid her fly, slipped a plastic dildo with a clip on it over her undies, wiped a bit of the cream on the end and rushed her into position in front of her friend. Meanwhile Fi was holding the blind down. The girls are screaming ‘closer,’ ‘wider’. I gave the girl now standing in my place a little shove and just as the dildo went in birthday girls mouth Fi ripped off her blindfold. More screaming.

Change of music, quick wipe down and start to dance (badly). My pants were velcro - at some point I ripped them off so I was standing there in my thong and boots. Unclip the thong and ta dah....

Music fades

gather belongings

Pose naked for photos with the birthday girl and a few others, get generally molested. put on my dressing gown and go home with a very big buzz. Generous tips.

Most nights we worked were more or less the same. Batman and Robin costume, a priests outfit, jungle / safari gear, you get the drift.,

Hens nights I earned more but the girls were uniformly fat and unattractive and never failed to proposition me. Parties, particularly for mid 20 somethings were more fun but the tips were never as good. Parents at younger parties never seamed to mind but we toned it down for the 18ths. If the girls were drinking it was usually really fun, but if the birthday girl was not into it it would go flat fast. Given that most of the act was interactive and involved the guests in some way that was kind of embarrassing. They always wanted to see you erect, always. Gay crowds were the most fun tho. We would swap in Fi for me to get the boys wooping and cheering and Fi would usually work naked too. We did many many more nights where I stripped than her tho’ which was strange but hay, just meant I earned 60% of the takings. You could clear $200 bucks a show for an hrs work.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009


I like pie.
I like chicken pie with roast chicken, peas and other goodness.
I like steak and read wine pie.
I like steak and mushroom pie (with onion and tomato rings under the lid).
I like steak and kidney pie.

A good pie has chunks of meat and thick gravy, lots of herbs and mmmmm. The crust is thick enough not to go soggy and firm enough to hold together when you've eaten half of it. The gravy should be thick enough to not slop out when you cut it. No gristle please, no hoof just good homely chunky meat.

What a pie is not:

Vegetarian: might be a pastie but it aint a pie.

A pie is not mince, sorry 'munce': You Kiwis can take you soupy bolognese and carrot chunks but if you want to be taken for anything more than sheep shagging wannabes learn yourselves ow to make a decent pie.

And you - our cousins across the big pond, still in the dark ages with respect to measurement. How do you evah expect to be taken seriously when your very definition of self - As American as WHAT???? is a traversty. Take note please: It is not sprinkled with sugar, it does not contain fruit, corn syrup, custard etc.

Those are deserts, pastries perhaps but stretch the definition of pie into the absurd.

MLP on the other hand can feel free to convince me otherwise.

Monday, July 13, 2009

Big fan of the Talles Man on Earth

Secret Garden Video Series: The Tallest Man on Earth from hoovesontheturf on Vimeo.

Like a fox on the run from the well informed sun.

Bumed I missed him when he was in Oz
Thinking on what direction to take this blog now. I've half a mind to put some stories up here that I've been working on for a while, but as the are crap... I've some experiences from working as a stripper that may find a good home here but, mum might read :-) .... I've been posting on the other blog because there's been some family stuff going on worth remembering - trips to hospital, birthdays, bushwalks etc. This is still my home base for reading your blogs tho. Still home. For now I'll just let my imagination wander.

Oh - and go check out concept ships for some amazing Sci Fi art.

Wednesday, July 08, 2009

Started posting family stuff over at the new blog.

Deleting family stuff out of this blog today. New family posts are over at protection from chaos.
email me if you want the password to the more private posts.

Monday, July 06, 2009

600 posts

Now just like Carolina it's time to split this blog in two. will be the safe for work and mum blog

Emunctory will descend into a miasma of innuendo and tripe.

Art irritates life

What a weekend.
Got through many of the odd jobs around the house, sweeped out gutters cleaned the roof fixed plumbing angle ground off some sharp nails ect.
And when it was all over and I'd cracked open a beer to settle into what was left of Sunday evening, ugg boots on, book in hand. My lovley dear wife decided it was time to get me to hammer in 15 picture hooks pseudo randomly around the house.

Dug up the funnel web burrow but it was empty so there are no Harry Butler