Monday, December 10, 2007

For fucks sake people, water is dangerous

What is this, would you stop drowning already. Tourists, kids, more kids.
I used to be a life guard at Tamarama, Fresh Water and Bondi Beach. I've pulled dozens of people out of the surf, mostly tourists and kids. Thankfully nobody has drowned on my watch. We have had the kids in swimming lessons BEFORE THEY CAN WALK. 1 cubic metre of water weighs 1000kg, even a small shore break can be 1.5m high and 1 to 1.5m thick, moves as fast as you can run and will slap you down. It will knock you off you feat deposit you in a rip and sweep you out to sea long before you can say - that's a neat looking octopus, funny that it is swimming so close to that little square jelly fish. If you can't swim 200m whilst being pounded by 2 tone waves then keep the fuck out of the fucking surf. Most people are afraid of sharks, that kind of stupid crap is for Englishmen fe fi fo fum. You would do much better to ensure that you and the kids learnt to swim.

kids + water - adult supervision = dead kids. and it aint their fault.

The stats

Welcome to Australia and please, enjoy your time in our surf.

end rant


Leesha said...

well said

Josh said...

Thats a bit harsh...drowning our visitors and their families is a national pass time.

It is part of the dry 'stralian humor to have everyone convinced that they will be eaten by a great white, bitten by some spider or snake or expire in the jaws of a croc, only to find out that it was one force fed mouthful of Bondi beach water that did the job.

It is sad about the kids though. The spiders and snakes normally get them.

Anonymous said...

I always thought I was a strong swimmer till I got well and truly dunked at Bribie island in qld when I was 12. I rolled so many times I forgot which way was up. I paddled madly to the surface which ended up being the bottom of the sea, hit a sand bar and almost ran out of breath before finding my way again.
I got out of the surf sobbing and near hysterical, gasping for air. My Mum was lying on her towel and said, "Calm down, you were totally fine. You just got dunked. Off you go back in."

Yep, gotta love our beach culture!

p.s I am laughing at your comments bar for your Mum. too funny!

Steph said...

Just this past weekend a thirteen year old boy had to rescue me after I fell off a jetski. I wasn't in the surf though ;)

unique_stephen said...

I bet that made his day - did he grope you?

LauraDanielleDotN said...

so if i were to be flailing helplessly in the surf of Australia, you wouldn't help me? You said "You read my blog, you know better."

Nina said...

My nephew has been swimming since before he could walk, too. He has been in swimming lessons his whole life, but he is still a bit timid in the ocean. Wants to wear his life vest. Hm.