Wednesday, October 08, 2008

So, did I ever tell you about the time...

I'm not sure whether to tell you about the new gym instructor, the one way glass windows or the girl whom I accidentally disrobed..

Reverse order then.

So, did I ever tell you about the time I accidentally stripped a complete stranger out of her dress?
No, well OK then..
It seems like it was only yesterday, which is not a complete surprise as it was in fact, only yesterday.
I was on my way to a meeting in another part of the uni. The building is about half way across campus and, unsurprisingly, the room is up a long staircase.
About halfway up said staircase I encountered a young(ish) woman walking down the other way. Normal people move the the left, just like driving, it's the basic collision avoidance mechanism, part of the social contract - I move a bit out of the way, you move a bit out of the way and we all get along together.
But no.
Not this lass.
Tall, kind of skinny, browny blond hair, alternate rustic hippie look - cheese cloth blouse and long ankle length flowing Balinese batik thin cotton skirt and sandals.
I noticed the silver toe ring.
I noticed it because she was coming right down the center of the fucking staircase.
I moved so far to the side my left arm was against the wall. I uttered something like FFS. Then there was an almighty 'rip'. I had trodden on the train of her skirt. Quick look down. two bare legs and in a pair of daggy nickers. Eyes back forward I said something like "Jesus lady, it's not like you made it easy, I couldn't get any further out of you way.. your bad - not mine. I shan't look down, and how about next time you have the courtesy to move to the side on the footpath like every other living human, (perhaps excepting the yanks)".
She said nothing.
I walked up and took the next left exiting the stairs and quickly stepped up to the window to see if she exited the building... nope.


Lana Banana said...

what is it with you and mr. de campo, sir?

between you ripping on americans and him ripping on costa ricans, i can't catch a fucking break . . .


but i digress . . . she--the girl who missed the memo about the 60s being over--is an idiot. serves her right, damn it.

Kitty said...

hehehe, did she have sideburns??

B said...

daggy knickers? How embarrassing.

the projectivist said...

the whole Not-Keeping-to-the-Left thing is one of my manic obsessions!

why can't people walk in the correct side?? huh??? why?


why, when you're walking all alone and you come to a group of more than 3 people walking together and holding a conversation, why do they not make room and allow me by? don't i have as much of a right to walk on the footpath as you? sorry to inconvenience you and all that. move over!

ok, it's time for my prozac.

Anonymous said...

To some men on uni campus's, she would be considered the height of seduction - a wanton sex goddess with an academic brain and a fluffy vagina.

Friday said...

2nd best laugh Ive had all day. Brilliant!!
The 1st? oh... sparsely kate as always - 'fluffy vagina'.
lol ing hard.

Friday said...

2nd best laugh Ive had all day. Brilliant!!
The 1st? oh... sparsely kate as always - 'fluffy vagina'.
lol ing hard.

Anonymous said...

what are the chances of that happening? you should take the lottery every week! bound to score! did you lech her? love Tiff

Eostre said...

The poor unpractical idiot, that lead up couldn't really have come to a different conclusion could it? The whole incident sounds very inconvinient.

What you said makes me think that you were mighty cranky about the whole thing.

Em said...

HAHAHA! That's pretty funny, Steve (Oh can I call you Steve?). And what does "daggy" mean?

Cat said...

Too Funny and your reaction _ how absolutely wonderful - I wish I had the balls to not apologize for someone else's bad! Cat

By the way we yanks keep to the right - LOL

cat said...

Ha! Cat you beat this Cat to it! Yes, us yanks we keep to the right and when I'm walking in a hallway and someone moves to the left when I'm trying to get by......Oh it makes me crazy.

Funny how different we are, yet having the same issues.

Good post!

Memphis Steve said...

University hippies in granola dresses who march proudly down the center of the staircase eventually progress to hippies in granola vans driving proudly down the center of the road at a slow crawl. Perhaps by stripping her to her undies you forced her to flee to the potty, thereby preventing her from getting to her car and terrorizing people on the roads? Good job, mate! I say you deserve an award for that good deed.

(Did I use 'mate' right? Next I'll try to properly use 'oi' and see if I get that one right. Or is it 'oy'?)

xl said...

That's why those off-road vids looked so dangerous, they were keeping to the left!

[dodges 4x4 w/ roo bar]

unique_stephen said...

Lana Banana > Bagging the Yanks is a bad habit that myself and the rest of the world seem to have fallen into, I'll try and get over my addiction when keeps out of other peoples countries, and yes; she was an idiot much

Kitty > No, Didn't see anything much and I was above and behind her any way - just a bit of undies and some not so toned too skinny legs

B > Clearly she never listened to her mother.

the projectivist > It's a scourge that I feel is holding us back from ever acceding to a mature and civil society

sparsely kate > As a generalisation I always found the cheesecloth brigade easy to seduce - they were needy, attention seeking and therefore easily manipulated into thinking that they were wanton. You didn't even have to go so far as two beers and a slap up Chinese meal (the generally accepted price of sex). You could usually get a home run on the wanton soup. Fluffy - hmm, I prefer French.

Friday > Glad to help
P.S. - you should get that Tourette's looked into.

Friday > Glad to help
P.S. - you should get that Tourette's looked into.

Tiffany Cavalli > With me around - mediocre, if it were Steph coming down the other way then probably better than even.

Eostre > There is whole politically correct thing where she could go on the war path and have me charged or some bullshit because she has an ego bigger than a staircase.

Em > Em, you can call me Steve; It is after my name. 'Daggy' is strine for unfashionable, untidy, messy or unpopular. A daggy building is probably a bit old and rundown. Daggy cloths are either a bit moth-eaten or just no longer in fashion. A dag is the kid who's not in the in-crowd and has a beige jacket from two years ago. Calling someone a dag is mildly abusive in a friendly way. Most Aussies would not be aware that it was strine. It comes from the term dag, meaning the shit caked around a sheep's arse. "Rattle your dags boys" means to hurry up, but is no longer really in use.

Cat > The right is self evidently the incorrect side which goes to prove that two rights don't make a right.

cat > I believe that the business of keeping left came about because buggy whips were held in the right hand and you were less likely to accidently strike a person coming in the opposite direction. Leave it to the Yanks to abandon good manners and disregard a social convention just because. (I completely just made that shit up and I'm rather proud of it).

Memphis Steve > You did - however before you matriculate to 'oi' you still need to work on your basics; you gave yourself away when you said "the potty", where you would have normally said "the loo" or perhaps "the dunny".

xl > It always felt wrong watching American movies when they jump in on the incorrect side of the vehicle.

Memphis Steve said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Memphis Steve said...

Oi, dunny, rhymes with runny. My poo was runny and I had to run to the dunny. I had to poo, so I ran to the loo. Oi, I wet'em. I shoulda gone to the loo a bit sooner then, eh?

This is fun, but if I were actually try to say it with the proper accent it would be a disaster.

Memphis Steve said...

Sorry for the deleted comment. I just had to do it.

unique_stephen said...

Strictly speaking a dunny is an unattached or outdoor toilet but it does generally refer to any toilet.

Americans trying to do strine invariably sound like Americans trying to do strine.

The night was dark and stormy, the dunny light was dim
I heard a crash
a mighty splash
My god, he's fallen in

rackorf said...

I suppose the mol was waving her white cane all over the shop too.

phishez said...

BAH HA! That'll teach her. Selfish bitch.

unique_stephen said...

Ha, no, but she may as well have been. I hope she dosen't try it driving.

Fusion said...

I caught on walking on the left fairly quickly, just like I did with driving...Only made Kimba scream once or twice...really...

unique_stephen said...

I found it harder on a bike in teh US than in a car. In the car you had a continual reminder... I'm sitting on the wrong side... but the bike had no such aide-mémoire and I oft found myself on the wrong / right side of the road.